Pimenta (some like it really hot)

Everywhere that sells food (and that really dosen´t rule many places out) has Molho de Pimenta (chilli sauce) - its perfectly normal to splatter it all over everything. Dip stuff in it, add it to your soup or gravy - just don´t accidentally feed it to a one-year-old.... Nah... Nobody could possibly be that stupid.

It comes in approximately a million varieties, and the most serious is the homemade stuff that is quite simply oil with chillies left in it for about a decade. That stuff is a bit unpredictable, so take care - you might want to drop a bit on the table first to see if it burns a hole.

Now - those of you who have braved such madness as Dave´s insanity sauce (famous for ruining sphinkters the world over) might not want to bother with the milder ones that use vinager instead of oil, but most people, I imagine, would find these ones bearable - maybe even pleasurable.

They even have a couple to choose from in the School canteen. Does that mean its educational? - Best not miss out just in case.

But maybe put the bog roll in the fridge, just to be on the safe side.

Here´s a few I tried earlier

A home brewed deadly one.

A factory made one. For wusses to pretend they´re tough

This gave me blurred vision. If a wuss got hold of this, I wouldn´t fancy much for their chances.