The Day The Fog Lifted

....aka 'The Day We Realised that having the CPF number merely heralded the beginning of the second wave of bureaucratic shenanigans....

What a stunner....

Well, no sooner than you could say Jack Robinson, I became a full-on tax paying, stoppages incurring, fee inducing, mobile phoning record breaker!! - No kidding - all that was missing was Norris  Mcwhirter to jump out from behind a bush and declare that I was infact latest champion in the battle to acquire the most pissing paperwork in the shortest possible time. Cue the trumpet player - dedication's what you need!

Heh, if Carlsberg did world records.... they'd be in Brazil
http://minhasartesrubensparizio.blogspot.com/2010/06/bikini-world-record-cosmo-foto-praia.html

Would I give it all up and go back? Nah... lets face it - they're going to catch up with us all sooner or later, and to be honest, I'd rather go legit before a not wholly unlikely trip to casualty for the dive-bombing toddler costs us large.

Ok, part of going legit has been our health plan coming online too, and we now have a tome rather like the monstrosities I bought to compliment my university education, and forgot to ever open. To be honest it wasn't really the kind of education you'd be inclined to compliment.

The tome is like a phonebook of where we may or may not go should we require a man or woman in a white coat. Our plan is round about middle order - not too posh and not too shabby. At least I wont have to change my kecks if I'm ever admitted.

and...... watch this space 'cause I have a mobile again! So I'm going to and try an regail the virtual world with up to date pictures of my thrilling life. Surprisingly enough, its not proving that simple, so here's hoping that I manage to communicate with the operator somehow before I chuck my phone in the sea and just get pissed instead.

Incidentally - do text me if you want. I'm sure it will cost a fortune. +55 21 9993969

CPF Ahoy - The Man from Polícia Federal - he say yeah!

I'm pretty sure it wasn't one of these guys that blew up the rubber glove...

In fact the nice man from Policia Federal blew up a rubber glove and tied it in a knot in order to calm our little man down and persuade him to give his thumbprint!  Quite funny really - Reckon if i'd made the same fuss we'd have been standing in line at the check-in desk for the next one way flight to London.

Anyway - I think our immigration process is drawing to a close. Today we went back to the airport where no less then three (3!) people were on hand to guide us through the process of presenting our visas to the powers that be in order to become part of the (temporary) roll call. I can't help feeling that all these lovely helpers were on call simply to prevent any smart-arsed comment or incident of inappropriate huffing and/or puffing from pissing anybody off. I'm sure one or two folk have, on occasion, fallen victim of the temptation to make known their feelings about the sheer magnitude of this colossal work of bureaucratic art.

My advice - should you ever need to achieve your residency status in Brazil - Just behave yourself at all costs. I 'm sure the bloke that blew up the rubber glove to the ensuing delight of our one-year-old was quite capable of arranging alternative hospitality if he needed to.

And I'm positive it wasn't him

All this said - it went rather well. We now each have our temporary Brazil ID documents (protocols) which I'm sure will help to postpone the apocalypse, should it be due anytime soon. We headed into town where I completed a medical. Quite a simple process (no coughing or anything, if you know what I mean) - I passed. Must admit it feels wonderful to be a model of health.

And on we go...... Tomorrow (fanfare, drum roll, dancing girls please) we go and pick up our CPF numbers. And then heaven knows what's going to happen. Our official existence in this fair tropical paradise will be official. Shits and giggles ahead, no doubt!

CPF? Just another TLA? Or Should I Be Paying Some Attention?

In the words of the tantric Geordie, "I'm an Alien".... In fact all three of us are aliens. To be technically correct, we're tourists. Only we live here. So we largely depend upon the employer to help us out with everything (and I mean everything) until we can nip back to London and collect our visas, which are now all duly processed and ready to go. Now, in a relatively short space of time I've learnt that one of Brazil's most celebrated pastimes is seeing how many people can be involved in a single beurocratic process, much like the student tradition of squeezing as many drunken bodies and kebabs as possible into a phone box.


The result is everything takes aaaages. Like the visas, and getting the internet organised, or trying to buy a SIM card, or getting a CPF.


CPF when its up and dressed? Its  stands for 'Cadastro de Pessoas Físicas' and is proof of your
registration on the Physical Persons Register. And you can't have one unless you have a visa. Right. I'm not kidding when I say this. Without a CPF you ain't nothing. Forget it. You ain't havin a microwave, custom kitchen, refrigerator or colour TV. In fact you aint having any household appliances, Dire Straits related or not. Depending on the vendor, you ain't even having a floor mop.


You certainly ain't having a bank account, so if you need some wedge, best tap up your boss for a cash bung on Friday, much like you did your old man when you were ten.


Still, could be worse. Observing basic human rights, the authorities seem to allow purchase of essential food items and it appears that one can procure great big bottles of delicious and refreshing beer without having proof of being on the physical persons register.


So, might just ignore the latest three letter acronymn in my life, and get shitfaced.