Getting Mugged In Rio

Oi - Get off my nuts......

I´ve travelled a fair bit. Any number of time-killing Facebook surveys will concur. I know what's risky and what's plain daft. Truth is the most significant skirmishes of my life have been back in my green and pleasant land. And both were neither green nor pleasant.

Anyhow, crime in Rio is a worry. And even though there is no doubt in my mind that it feels safer here now than it did when I visited in 1998, I can say, once again from shitty bitter experience that it pays to be careful out there.

A few weeks ago some fella in Lapa offered to throw his remaining booze away if I gave him some money for food. This quickly escalated into 'I have a big knife if you want to do this another way etc etc. The street was really crowded and for once in my boozy life I was totally sober. He kindly told the police in a passing car that I was just a gringo who was making a scene. They promptly disappeared. Nice. I ran off and jumped in a cab - although it did take some argey bargey to wrestle him away from the door. I cancelled my plans to go for a beer and just went home instead.

So. All in all no big deal. Except everyone I tell (especially the cariocas) say I should have handed over my stuff. Hmmm. Next time I will.

And that's precisely the problem. Next time. I'm now an overly cautious big tall gringo who has properly damaged his mojo. I know the chances of getting mugged are slim if you are careful, but now I feel that they´re just not slim enough. I really hope its not too long before I can wander beyone my cosy Copacabana local without feeling like somebody wants to have it away with my meagre pocketful. Yesterday somebody stopped and asked me directions to the metro. As I pointed up the road, I´d already worked out that if it was going to be a toss-up between giving him my wallet and trying to punch his lights out, then the wallet was definitely going to have to go.

Ok - not that it needs saying, but heres a few security ideas you might like to try out:

1. Try not to be on your own for too long-  if you don´t end up robbed, paranoia might drive you to distraction (or maybe that´s just me)
2. If you are on your own, then try not to be plastered.
3. Don´t carry loads of cash - but always have at least R$20 as a muggers consellation prize.
4. Don´t be a posey bastard, talking loudly in English  on a posh ´mug me´mobile phone while reading a half folded map. That would just be ridiculous.
5. If in doubt, don´t walk - get a bus.
6. If in doubt about about the bus, get a cab - even though they´re getting pricey, a ride accross town won´t leave you destitute.
7. If the worst happens and someone want´s your belongings, just hand them over.
8. Don´t show the entire bus the contents of your wallet when you bay the bus conductor.
9. Keep a copy of your id and card numbers at home.
10. If you happen to be of the big tall gringo persuasion, don´t assume your´re ever going to blend into the crowd.
11. Don´t wear a collection of jewellery only Mr. T could compete with. Better still, don´t wear any.
12. Don´t frolic on the beach after dark. That one´s a classic.
13. Don´t hang out in the 40th floor Bar at the Othon Palace watching frolickers get mugged. Thats just mean.
14. Put your wallet in your front pocket.

I reckon there may well be more. - Any ideas?

Carioca da Gema!

Now here's an interesting phrase - and one whose definition seems to be a little hard to pin down, so my apologies in advance for pissing off any people who actually know precisely what a Carioca da Gema actually is.

Firstly, and most simply, its the yolk of an egg - that much is certain. Secondly, its a 'true' Carioca. Now I'm not really sufficiently in the know to be able to say what a 'true' Carioca is, but its safe to say that if you weren't born here, along with a couple of previous generations of your family, then you might consider yourself 'Carioca' but you are most certainly not an egg yolk.

Reminds me of the sound of Bow Bells, which incidentally I was born nowhere near. I'm about as Cockney as Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.

'Carioca da Gema' is also a wonderful Samba bar in Lapa - we went there last night and drank beer and danced and danced. It really is up there with the very best clubs, and the musicians were effortlessly entertaining - I've honestly not seen better. Pretty sure they must have been born within the sound of some raucous samba clatter.

Now incase I've failed to mention it, one of my more serious interests is getting the beer down me. This place made it easier that ever. The waiters were weaving their way around the dance floor with ice buckets full of beer bottles. You just help yourself and let them mark your card. Whatever you do don't lose the card. The humoungus bloke on the door gently explained why. -- 'If you lose that you're gonna have to pay a lot of money to get out' - understood.

Get yourself down there.

You dancing? You Asking?

Rio Scenarium  

 Rua do Lavrádio, 20, Rio de Janeiro (Lapa)

http://rioscenarium.com.br/

This place rocks. Moreover it does that strange samba wiggle that cannot be learned. It must part of Brazilian DNA or something.

The best thing about having guests is that you make an effort to get off the sofa. On Thursday our visitor were here for the night en route to Paraty, so we decided to hit Rio Scenarium. I've been meaning to go to this place for ages.

Tucked away in Lapa its probably wisest to get a cab rather than risk the stroll. Getting in is a bit of a palaver, and don't forget your photo ID (this is the only time I've needed any so far in Brasil). You get a consumption card and pay on the way out.

Once inside, its easy to see why the Guardian rated it one of the top ten bars in the world. The whole place is happiness itself. Dance however you want an sing along at will. This is uninhibited fun.  The decor is anything and everything, from collections of posters and pictures, to a red phone box (how did that get here?). Tourists and locals smile and get on with the serious business of enjoying themselves. We stayed while the band did their thing. The time just flew. I'm smiling now just thinking about it.

Its pricey, but so what.

You dancing? You Asking?



You dancing? - Reminded me of the young ones...

Rik - Viv are you dancing?
Vivian - Are you asking?
Rik - Yeah
Vivian - Well Piss Off

Lets do it together....

Getting a ticket was never this hard at way ahead records.....

Heh - reminds me of the Larry Miller sketch I used to listen to with my brother.. "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever!" - Don´t say you never had similar ideas.

Still, I digress. The genius collective mind at Queremos.com.br have gone ahead and done what every school council dreamt of doing. They work out the cost of booking a band, and then they charge a small number of people enough to cover the cost. Then they sell the rest of the tickets at a more modest price. If the gig sells out the initial investors get to go for free. If it sells quite well then the initial investors end up paying the same as everyone else.

The next gig is Primal Scream, no less! - Here´s how the money works:

• Gig costs R$112,000
• First 560 punters pay R$200 - this covers the cost, and the gig goes ahead.
• If a further 660 punters buy a ticket for R$120, the first 560 get at least R$80 refunded, meaning they pay the same as everyone else.
• If a further 1,670 punters buy a ticket at R$120, the first 560 go free.

Oh, and if the first 560 tickets don´t sell, everyone gets their money back.

Go on... what have you got to lose!

Lapa it up...

Ok - not been there yet - and with no babysitter in sight it may be a while - it seems that Lapa is the place to be if you're a bright young party animal.

Don't be put off though - apparently being a bright young party animal has very little to do with your age. You just have to act like you're young enough to not have a care in the world.

Nifty website too... have a look    http://www.lanalapa.com.br/